Aspergers Syndrome

This is me and my daughter, Evelyn, enjoying Cheetos on a warm sandy shore off Lake Shastina in Mt. Shasta, CA.

Evelyn is no different than any other 7 yr old kid…as a matter of fact she has many talents!

Evelyn loves to laugh, play soccer, Uno and of course…Cheetos! She isn’t afraid of strangers, water or heights.

Evelyn, has Aspergers Syndrome. Aspergers is not contagious, but people look at her as if she’s “BAD” when she’s having a moment.  As a mom, it breaks my heart to see people of all ages judge her with such hate.  (Even in church…I think that’s where my heart just breaks the most…she’s one of God’s gifts and the eyes of hatred stare at her like she’s doing it on purpose…if they only knew!)

You see, my daughter can’t control her emotions and her movements sometimes. She doesn’t catch certain social cues, like me and you and she takes things very literal. But before I go any further, let me tell you a bit more about how it started…

As many of you know, my background is in Early Childhood Education with 10 yrs experience in running and managing Preschools.  But all the education and experience in the world didn’t prepare me for Evelyn and her challenges. Many preschools (7 to be exact) kicked her out due to her “behavior” issues, and most teachers couldn’t and wouldn’t take the time to help her. Life became very challenging for all of us!

Let me take you back to the day, it really hit home! Evelyn was at her 7th and last preschool…mine.

It was another ‘one of those days‘ for my daughter. I, as the Principal, was called to her room…what I saw will never leave my mind…or heart.  My daughter, MY BABY, was having a horrific melt down!  You see, at a very young age she was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.

For whatever reason, Evelyn got really upset and couldn’t express her feelings, so she threw herself to the cold tile floor, crawled under a table, curled up into a fetal position…and cried unconsolebly while sucking her thumb…Rocking back and forth…back and forth…back and forth.

You see…she was trying to comfort herself by this point.

She wouldn’t allow anyone to touch her…not even me… and I’m her mother! I actually crawled under the table and gently reached her shoulder, but it made matters worse…she screamed louder and hugged herself even tighter!

At that moment, the tears just ran down my face instantly!

This went on for what I thought was a lifetime!  With every breath she took in (to cry harder), she took mine away. I couldn’t breathe!

I felt so helpless because I didn’t know how to help her, I didn’t know how to make the pain go away, and most of all…she looked so afraid and alone!

Finally after 5 min or so, I picked her up, cradled her in my arms and cried.  I left the school and went to my car with my fragile and exhausted child. I called my husband and told him “We’re done! I don’t know how we’re going to manage our finances, but I don’t care! She can’t do this anymore. It’s not fair! She’s not happy!”

The only thing that mattered was Evelyn!  I looked back at her, falling asleep in her car seat, and it was at that moment, I realized her needs were considerably more important than my career!

It was MY job to help her push threw and get over an obstacle that only she could feel, see and experience!

The next day, I gave my 3 weeks notice and prepared myself, my staff and my daycare parents for my departure.  Frankly, once the decision was made to quit, I felt free and relaxed.  Surprisingly, I was really at peace with the thought of being free of needless chaos, free of corporate america and its money hungry-back stabbing practices, the catty co-workers, and finally enjoying being at home with Evelyn… guilt-free!

For the next few months, I focused on Evelyn, read more about Aspergers Syndrome and taught myself how to be more responsive while practicing patience.  We learned from one another and I believe I gave her what she missed as a baby…MOMMY!

Today, Evelyn is in public school and although some subjects are difficult for her, she’s doing SO MUCH BETTER! It’s hard for her to maintain friends, but there are a handful of her classmates who really like her, and she likes them! I’ve been open with their parents about Evelyn and her Aspergers, and I am thankful for their positive response! I’m fortunate enough that her teacher this year, can relate to my situation…her daughter also has Aspergers! When she shared that with me, my protective mode instantly turned into a tidal wave of relief!

It’s been a few years since her diagnosis, and its gotten better, but everyday is a struggle in different aspects of our lives. Right now she physically fights an awful lot with her sisters. She jumps on the couches and she says inapropraite words.  Her room is a complete mess and she’s afraid of the dark. Her hearing is so sensitive that she can’t sleep at night with all the “bumps in the night”…. But at the same time, she’s a great helper, she’s kind to animals, and she loves loves loves soccer and drawing. She loves to spend time with me and her dad… as you can see, she tries to sleep with us.

Last year I gave her a book called ‘What It Is To Be Me! – An Asperger Kid’ Book by Angela Wine. It is such a great book, because it helped her relate to the ‘superhero’ in the book.  I also purchased ‘Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome? -A guide for friends and family‘ by Jude Welton and shared it with my neighbors and friends. Fortunately, my family is very patient and calm…and pray a  lot for her…

My daughter has Aspergers Syndrome.

She is not sick and there isn’t a pill she can take to make YOU feel better!

She’s not bad, she’s a gift!

Evelyn is not broken!

She’s a beautiful girl with feelings who loves to laugh. She still sucks her thumb and that’s ok!

Oh yes, did I tell you she’s a money magnet!

Aspergers has given my child super powers…she can see a coin on the floor in a heartbeat…

so yes…she’s a natural coin collector!

Let me introduce you to my daughter, Evelyn! Enjoy!

 

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